heldandfree

When did you first realize that you would die?

For most of us, it is tricky to remember when the reality of our mortality first found its way into our bones… If you experienced a death in your early years that first exposure likely stayed with you and framed how you view death, and in some ways life.

When I was 8 years old, I experienced my first family death. My Great Grandmother was beloved by my Mom and her four sisters. Not only was she loving and kind, but she was one of the last direct ties to their Dad who had died in their very early childhood. 

At eight years old, what did I understand from this loss?

  • When someone loved dies people are sad and cry;

  • When a loved one dies, you get some of their things. If you want specific people to get specific things you have to let someone know.

That was all the inspiration I needed to write out my first ‘will’. Of course, I didn’t know that was what it was called, but I was delighted to present my Mom with a list of my favourite books, with a name alongside…my sister, my little cousin, a list of which books should go to which person…You know, in case I died. I wasn’t afraid I was going to die (and clearly I didn’t grasp the permanence of death), I just wanted to make sure those books went to the right people, my people. I am sure my Mom thought I had lost my 8-year-old mind.

Those beloved books are still in my possession and it is funny to think that anyone would want my torn, taped-together children’s books with dog-chewed corners… but at one point they were the entirety of my worldly possessions and I made a plan to have them go to people I love. I have made a couple more plans since them, a little more legal in nature, but the same goes. We don’t know when our end will come, only that it will. Friends, there are many plans that can be made for your ease of mind and for the ease of those who will love you long after you are gone.

Why Held & Free?

When I read this phrase in the book Untamed by Glennon Doyle, I knew this was the name I had been looking for my End of Life Doula practice.

Navigating your own death or the death of a loved one is complex at the best of times. Every death you’ve experienced before this moment, informs how you feel, act, react, and move forward. Emotions often shift and change quickly as you introduce this new reality into your day to day life.

Most people do not enjoy discussing death and avoid it if possible. However, making plans and expressing our wishes is one of the greatest gifts we can give our loved ones left behind.

Held & Free is about empowering you to make end-of-life choices for yourself or your loved one. Held & Free is gentle guidance through difficult days with a roadmap of what the next week might look like. Held & Free is about feeling supported and safe while exploring and looking bravely into the face of uncertainty, knowing someone has your back.

As an End of Life Doula, I want you and your loved ones to feel held and well-supported, with questions responded to judgment-free. If additional support is needed, I have those resources for you. Unsure about the changes you are seeing in your loved one? I will walk you through it. There is freedom in understanding and knowledge. It empowers you and can release fear and uncertainty. I want the person who is nearing the end of their life to feel at peace, and able to gracefully leave this life, knowing all will be well, and that they have been lovingly held and are now free.