When did you first realize that you would die?

For most of us, it is tricky to remember when the reality of our mortality first found its way into our bones… If you experienced a death in your early years that first exposure likely stayed with you and framed how you view death, and in some ways life.

When I was 8 years old, I experienced my first family death. My Great Grandmother was beloved by my Mom and her four sisters. Not only was she loving and kind, but she was one of the last direct ties to their Dad who had died in their very early childhood. 

At eight years old, what did I understand from this loss?

• When someone loved dies people are sad and cry;

• When a loved one dies, you get some of their things. If you want specific people to get specific things you have to let someone know.

That was all the inspiration I needed to write out my first ‘will’. Of course, I didn’t know that was what it was called, but I was delighted to present my Mom with a list of my favourite books, with a name alongside…my sister, my little cousin, a list of which books should go to which person…You know, in case I died. I wasn’t afraid I was going to die (and clearly I didn’t grasp the permanence of death), I just wanted to make sure those books went to the right people, my people. I am sure my Mom thought I had lost my 8-year-old mind.

Those beloved books are still in my possession and it is funny to think that anyone would want my torn, taped-together children’s books with dog-chewed corners… but at one point they were the entirety of my worldly possessions and I made a plan to have them go to people I love. I have made a couple more plans since them, a little more legal in nature, but the same goes. We don’t know when our end will come, only that it will. Friends, there are many plans that can be made for your ease of mind and for the ease of those who will love you long after you are gone.

Grandma's Pearls

Did you know that the regions of your brain that manage smells, memories, and emotions are intertwined? In fact, scent can bring back memories that might never have been recovered without the smell to transport us back to that moment in time.

This is why I keep the pearls* my Grandpa gifted my Grandma on their wedding day and passed on to me to wear on mine, in the original container, in a box, in a plastic bag. Excessive? Maybe but I can open that box and the smell is EXACTLY my Grandma. It's more than just a perfume smell. It is… her. Her house, her baking, her sweat, her tears, her love, and her laundry soap. I have lots of her treasures but this is the only item that has her smell and I treasure it.

Our sense of smell is such a powerful tool and is often used at the end of life and can be as much for the benefit of the person dying as it is the those who are in the room with them.

What smells do you associate with a person or moment in time?

*They are not real pearls and it was never clear to me if she knew that or not, so I never said anything.